🌀 The existential crisis of entering the ‘real world’

🕝 Quarter-life crisis

When I was in my final semester of university, I dreaded graduating because it meant dealing with bills, responsibilities and spending my waking hours working a full-time job.

This feeling of being lost, scared, lonely or confused about stepping into adulthood is so common that pop psychologists have given it a name: the quarter-life crisis.

In Singapore, young people start worrying about entering their work life even before stepping out of school, Diana Petrov, a counsellor at Mind what Matters psychological consultancy tells thrive. Every week, Petrov sees young adult clients who are working through issues relating to transitioning into adulthood.

Often, her clients worry that long working hours and competitive work culture will lead them to having less control over their lives, she says.

“It’s stress and anxiety that are commonly associated with not so much the fear or adulting, but the pressures of it,” says Petrov, who adds that this pressure can sometimes be self-imposed.

Stress and anxiety can also cause physical and behavioural changes that you may not realise are related to your mental health.

These include:

• “Doom and gloom” thoughts and often overthinking or imagining worst-case scenarios

• A negative self-view and a loud, self-critical internal voice

• Struggling with difficult emotions such as worry, fear or restlessness

• Changes in behaviour: pulling back from family and having a social life to focus mainly on work; avoidant behaviours like procrastination, engaging in distractions and unhealthy habits; or issues with sleep and eating

• Changes in mood such as low mood or irritability

• Physical signs: stomach issues, heart palpitations or feeling detached from one’s body

⛰️ Overcoming and coping with anxiety

A large part of managing this anxiety is to focus on what is within our control rather than spend time projecting into an unknown future, says Petrov.

That means being clear about your fears and goals – and then taking actionable steps to address them one by one. 

Unsure what to expect in your new job and don’t want to screw up? One step you could take is to reach out to seniors in the same industry who can give you advice on how to cope in your new workplace.

If you’re unsure of what’s causing you anxiety, Petrov suggests keeping a journal to record your thoughts and feelings or speaking to a family member, friend or mentor.

As much as preparing to enter the workplace is important, taking care of other aspects of your life shouldn’t be neglected because doing so keeps us grounded in the face of challenges.

But before you binge on that tub of ice cream to eat away your stress, know that unhealthy coping strategies will likely make you feel worse in the long run 🤒.

Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director of The Relationship Room, suggests keeping healthy habits that will tend to your body’s different physical and emotional needs.

You’ve probably heard of them before, but it bears repeating:

• Physical: Eat healthy, have regular meals and exercise regularly.

• Psychological: When faced with a big task or obstacle, try breaking it down into smaller steps. Try to maintain a positive outlook and practise mindfulness or meditation, which can help relieve stress.

• Social: Make time for your friends who can give you social support when you need it, even if you have a busy work schedule. Consider exploring new hobbies and making new connections along the way.

• Spiritual: This refers to your vision, values and goals. Ask yourself what dreams you have for the future so that you have a goal that you can pursue.

🤗 Embracing stress 

As people move on to different stages of their lives, it’s also natural for relationships to take a toll. With different priorities and schedules after leaving school, meetups become harder to arrange and relationships tougher to maintain. Breakups happen, and friend groups fall apart 💔.

Pong, who specialises in relationship counselling, says that it’s important to recognise when a relationship has changed. Acknowledge your feelings of sadness and loss, and if needed, speak to a mental health specialist who can help you process and unpack these feelings, she adds.

“Such feelings are a natural part of growing up,” says Pong. As people take on more responsibilities in their lives, it’s natural to not have the time to nurture and maintain the relationships they used to have 🙆.

Navigating major transitions is never easy because they invite so much change and uncertainty into our lives.

But if the anxiety you’re feeling is so excessive or persistent that it lasts several weeks or months and affects your ability to work, study or perform daily tasks, it may be time to seek professional help.

In such cases, a medical health professional can assess your situation and recommend appropriate treatment, which may include therapy, medication or a combination of both, Pong says.

After all, stress that is kept at a manageable level can be a good thing 💪.

“There’s an opportunity for growth and personal development in transitions because we can experience a level of positive stress where we face challenges and we feel that we have the capacity and resources to tackle them,” says Petrov.

TL;DR

• The period of transition from school to work life can be a very anxiety-inducing experience

• It can lead to stress and anxiety that can cause changes in your mood, behaviour or physical health

• Counsellors suggest focusing on what’s within your control instead of projecting your fears into the future

• If the anxiety is affecting your ability to perform daily tasks, you may want to seek professional help